Do you care about what people say about you?
At a particular point in my life, I was a very young and oversensitive lad that wanted everyone to love him. I was very particular about what people said about me, I always wanted it to be only good things.
All of these helped to shape a lot of good characters that I exhibit. But at that particular point in my life, I was not feeling comfortable in my skin. I was very careful about what I said, when I said it, how I said it, to whom I said it. I was sometimes scared of expressing myself at all. I was always scared of hurting people’s feelings and this made it difficult for me to give my opinion on and about a lot of issues, especially personal matters. I was scared that my opinions would be used against me, to judge me. I was scared that speaking up would put me at a position where people would place me under the magnifying glass and scrutinize me. But all these super cautiousness never stopped people from talking in hurtful and hateful ways and manner.
I can vividly remember when I was in primary school and also the early part of high school, I was so determined to be friends with a lot of people and to be in the good books of everyone, but the reality of the matter is that not everyone will like you, you will not be able to fit into every group, you will not be able to share the same interests, values and beliefs with everyone. One truth that hurts is that not everyone you think likes you truly do. That is one thing that I am learning to accept.
Have you ever felt that you need the approval of everyone before making that decision?
At some point, I felt encaged in my mind. I was always waiting for the approval of everyone in my life before making decisions or taking certain steps. I was doing that because I wanted to be 100% certain that I was making the right decision. I was trying to avoid making mistakes. I was trying to get everyone on board with my ideas or decisions to prevent people from judging me or talk negatively about the step I was taking.
But the issue with waiting for people’s approval is that it sometimes never comes. There are some approvals that I still have not gotten today. As much as waiting and patience are good, waiting for people’s approval just because you don’t want them to talk negatively about you, could place you in an eternal waiting room, it could frustrate you and kill your dreams.
Getting the approval of everyone does not guarantee that the decision is the right one, it does not guarantee that that step would lead to success. And you already know what would happen when you fail, some of the people you were dying to get their approvals would still judge you for even trying.
Do you feel obliged to please everyone?
Several times in the past years, I have learned that you cannot please everyone. No matter how much of your love, time and energy you sacrifice, some people will take it for granted, some people will not be satisfied with what you have to offer. Talking about pleasing people, you can hardly please everyone with your appearance, your physique, your skin colour, your posture and a lot more. It’s either you’re too tall or too short, too skinny, too fat, too muscular, too light-skinned or too dark-skinned. What is most important is how you see yourself, what you say to yourself and what you say about yourself.
I’ve gotten myself and my feelings hurt while trying to please everyone. I’ve also disappointed a lot of people in the process of trying to make sure that everyone was pleased with me. I’m learning to accept the fact that our expectations and imaginations are different and always trying to match up or lower our standards just to please everyone could destroy us. I am learning to be myself and the best version of it.
No matter what we do or do not do, people are always going to talk positively or negatively about us. It is okay and normal for people to talk about you, but I am learning to protect my head, heart and mind from the things people say about me. I am learning to filter and take only the sense out of any nonsense. Someone is always going to support you. Someone is always going to doubt you. Someone is always going to question your judgement. So, it mainly depends on you to make that decision, it solely depends on you to take that step. You are the captain of your ship. Make the choice you can live with. Just do it.
Is this in any way relatable to you? If it is, kindly send a screenshot of this episode to me on Instagram. Remember that I love you, I see you and I appreciate you.
No matter what we do or do not do, people are always going to talk positively or negatively about us. It is absolutely okay and normal for people to talk about you. Listen and answer the following questions:
- Do you care about what people say about you?
- Have you ever felt that you need the approval of everyone before making that decision?
- Do you feel obliged to please everyone?
Please share your answers with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tobiojekunle/
If this episode is relatable to you in any way, kindly share a screenshot of it on Twitter (https://twitter.com/valtoyb) or Instagram and do not forget to tag me. Thank you!