Be You! The world will adjust!
Be You! The world will adjust!
Mirror Talk Valtoy B.

SELF-VALIDATION: Be A Good Friend To Yourself

Mirror Talk Valtoy B.

SHOW NOTE

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I was blessed to sit down and have a discussion with Ikeoluwapo Oluwayemi in the last episode. One thing we talked about was self-validation. According to psychologytoday.com, Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts, and your feelings. 

Self-validation doesn’t mean that we believe our thoughts or think our feelings are justified. 

There are many times that we have thoughts that surprise us or that don’t reflect our values or what we know as the truth.

We have feelings that we know are not justified. But if we fight the thoughts and feelings or judge ourself for having them, then we increase our emotional upset. We will also miss out on important information about who we truly are as a person.

Validating our thoughts and emotions will help us manage them more effectively. It helps us accept and better understand ourself, which leads to a stronger identity and better skills at managing intense emotions. Self-validation helps us to find wisdom.

We often look to those around us to let us know that we are doing fine and that we are good enough, but too many people rely on validation from others to feel good about themselves. 

Unfortunately, this can turn into an addiction where people constantly seek validation from others. While it’s great for others to review us, it’s important for us to place a higher priority on our personal opinion of ourself. After all, it’s our life and we get to define what success and failure look like to us because we are playing a game that’s unique to us individually.

In this journey of life, we should strive to show ourself some love and be a good friend to ourself. Talking down on yourself, especially during challenging and discouraging periods could break you down morally and emotionally. Be a good friend to yourself. Be honest with yourself, but don’t beat yourself up, give yourself encouragement instead. Sometimes the voice inside your head could be too harsh on you, so remember to give yourself the same sort of support that you’d give your best friend.

When you’re frustrated and angry about something not going your way, take a step back and avoid judging yourself for those feelings. Sit with your emotions without reacting to them. 

Don’t tell yourself how you should feel. Accept how you do feel in the moment because you always have a right to feel. 

Comfort yourself the way a concerned and compassionate parent would. Don’t judge your emotions or your thoughts because emotions and thoughts happen, so embrace them and let them pass through. You’re neither your thoughts nor your emotions, they’re just something that passes through you from time to time, so let them come and go.

When it comes to loving and valuing yourself, it’s less about your circumstances and thoughts, and more about how you react to them. 

Life and thoughts happen, and you can’t always control, but you can control how you respond to them.

We often see and fixate on the negativity in our lives because our brains scan for problems and threats. But just because we primarily notice the negative, does not mean that our existence is actually entirely (or mostly) negative – It just means that your brain is on the lookout for things that could go wrong. Simply put, your brain is just doing its job to help you.

Having doubts doesn’t mean that you lack confidence or are weak. Even the most successful and confident people that you meet are prone to moments of doubts, and moments of uncertainty because no one knows the outcome ahead of time. Refuse to allow doubt and uncertainty to paralyze you, but instead, continue to keep moving forward.

Often when you feel down and you become part of a shame spiral then you say to yourself, “I’m a failure. This always happens. I don’t know why I even try. I’m bound to lose. I set myself up for it.” Shame is learned from the moment you’re born, and you may become so well-versed at shaming yourself that you feel fundamentally flawed and less than everyone else around you.

Struggling to find or maintain a job or make a decent wage could feed into that toxic shame. It makes us feel like we have too many defects and faults. You might also feed this shame after a breakup, after losing a friendship or when turned down for a date.

But this is simply beating yourself up. This only leads to depression, perfectionism, and a discounting of all your successes.

It is important to find and be sure of your strength. When you use your strengths it boosts self-esteem and mitigates stress. Not only can it help you guide your career into a more fulfilling direction, it can also help you embrace the real you — the you that is invaluable, the you that no one can put a price-tag on.

Think of at least one thing about yourself that you’re proud of. It can be one of your strengths, something you accomplished in the past, something you helped someone else to do or whatever it may be. Show yourself gratitude. Tell yourself that You’re an accomplished and resilient person.

Everyone wants a fulfilling life and a lucrative job, but it’s easier said than done. Perhaps the first place to start is inside yourself.

Joy comes from your own personal advancement and not from social comparisons. From time to time, take a look back to see how far you’ve come, and also take a look at those around you so you can see what’s possible for you to achieve, but keep your primary focus on your path and what you’re doing.

You don’t need someone else’s permission to love yourself and to be happy. Give yourself permission to be happy and to love and care about yourself.

You are fully capable of validating yourself.

Remember, I love you, I see you and I appreciate you. Thank you.

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You don’t need someone else’s permission to love yourself and to be happy. Give yourself permission to be happy and to love and care about yourself.

APPLE PODCASTS:

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